I trust that I am in good hands.

I am ready. Last night, I had a dream that I woke up and the surgery was over. I was so relieved. Then after my dream started becoming more and more unrealistic and weird, my brain told me that I was dreaming and I woke up bummed that I still have three more days to wait. All of this anticipation is tough! I feel like the days are going slower and slower. But... I have one more day that I can eat (tomorrow!) and then one day of prep and rest before the big day. So I plan to take advantage of them and make the most of this weekend.

I had two full days of pre-op testing and appointments at the U of MN this week. It was slightly overwhelming but very beneficial and reassuring at the same time. My surgeon and the entire team are absolutely fantastic, and I trust that I am in good hands. I had my questions answered (besides a couple things that haven't been studied yet, my research project post-surgery?) and got flooded with information. But now I fully know what to expect. And my parents know what to expect. I keep thinking about my poor parents having to wait 12+ hours in the surgery waiting room on Monday. Their support has been incredible.

Speaking of support, I want to thank all of you for your love, support, and prayers so far!!! All of the texts, calls, cards, and messages mean the world. I'll probably be pretty out of it for awhile after surgery (they say the first few days are the roughest), but then hopefully after that, I'll be more responsive. I am going to be honest with myself and others about how I'm feeling during recovery and if I'm open to visitors. At this point, I really can't anticipate how I will be feeling. So thank you for understanding. :)

Everyone, meet my panky. Panky, meet everyone.

Welcome to my blog. I've never blogged before, but I love to journal and I've decided that I think it will be helpful to share my story and experiences on a broader scale. These past few years have been a roller coaster of a medical journey, but I have learned so much in the highs and in the lows. I have learned what it's like to be a patient. I have learned that medicine is not always black and white. I have an even greater appreciation for medical research and the unanswered questions that need to be studied. And most importantly, I have learned to trust in God. That part has not always been easy, and it's something that I'm continuing to work at with every new bump in the road. But God has been faithful even in the darkest of times. Like it says in my favorite Psalm (139), "Even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like day to You."

So in case you're confused and have no clue what I'm talking about when I refer to "medical journey," let me give you the low down. I had my first case of acute pancreatitis when I was 19 (March 2007). I was a freshman in college and was preparing for the big phylum test in zoology when I started having excruciating abdominal pain. After a few days of the pain, I couldn't bear it anymore and went to the ER. I don't remember my specific lipase level, but it was over 20,000 and the ER doc in Springfield, Missouri said that he had never seen higher. I was hospitalized for several days, and they removed my gall bladder after thinking they saw a small stone blocking the common bile duct.

I had several other attacks of acute pancreatitis during undergrad and was hospitalized 3 more times. On my last hospitalization in September 2009, they did an ERCP with biliary sphincterectomy. ERCP stands for endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography. Try to say that five times fast. Anyways, that procedure basically involved them scoping out my pancreas and biliary tree, but it provided some temporary pain relief.

Despite the pain and hardship involved in dealing with pancreatitis, God's grace has been evident in my life. I remember on the morning that I was going to drive down to college to start my senior year, I had a sudden, painful attack of pancreatitis. I thought I was going to have to be hospitalized again. My parents started praying for me, and suddenly the pain went away. Instantly. I believe it was a miracle. I was able to drive down to school that day and start my senior year. I am also so grateful to have been able to graduate from college and finish my first year of med school at the University of Minnesota.
 

Over the past year, the attacks have become more frequent and I have noticed that the function of my pancreas (this is what I refer to when I say panky) has been declining. After an attack during midterms last October, my adviser connected me with the GI team at the University of Minnesota. They helped give me a proper diagnosis, find a cause, and offer a variety of treatment options. Physicians at the U of MN pioneered the total pancreatectomy with islet autotransplant which is a surgery where they remove the pancreas, harvest the islet cells that make insulin, and transplant the islet cells back into the liver. The goal of the surgery is to eliminate future attacks of pancreatitis and hopefully prevent diabetes (because chronic pancreatitis can lead to diabetes). I have been presented with several different options for surgery and met with different physicians, but this surgery seems like the best option in the long run. I am scheduled to have surgery August 1st.

Having the surgery means taking some time off from med school. Recovery could take up to a year. The decision to have the surgery now was hard, because I don't want to put my life on hold. The surgery itself is scary. Whatever I decided would take a lot of faith and belief that God really does work all things for the good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). When I look at God's plan for my life, I envision myself loving and serving Him by loving and serving people. I believe that I am called to do that through medicine. When I am in pain with pancreatitis, I can't fully give of myself and reach out to others. I am hoping that once this is said and done, I'll be able to fully love and give without hindrance.

In the last week, 1 Corinthians 13 keeps being reinforced in my life. ^"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."